Perks of Being a Wallflower + Logan Lerman

This doesn’t really have much to do with anything per se, but I just spent my morning re-watching The Perks of Being a Wallflower movie and just HAD to say this.

I’M IN LOVE WITH LOGAN LERMAN.

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And it sounds ridiculous even to me because I have never ever ever understood fandom and fan-girling over actors. I’m not one to really swoon and obsess, also he’s younger than I am and I know he’s kinda short. But damn. I CAN’T HELP MYSELF!! There’s something about his eyes. Sigh.

So there. I just had to get that out there. I love him. He’s awesome. At the very least, I would love to work with him one day. Girl can dream. It’ll happen.

But on a different note, Perks of Being a Wallflower is probably one of my current favourite movies. It’s the kind of movie I would’ve so connected with (even more) when I was in high school. It would’ve been nice to have that. It touched upon a lot of issues that I think many teens and young adults can relate to. Having to deal with your sexuality as a teenager and what that means, how prevalent sexual abuse is and its emotional impacts, emotional/mental abuse in relationships, physical abuse, experimenting with drugs, the loneliness of being a teenager or an outsider, the loneliness you can feel no matter how many people you’re surrounded by if they don’t understand you, complex relationship dynamics between friends, family and lovers, mental illness, rejection, the list goes on. I don’t know how he did it but the director (Stephen Chbosky) managed to capture such depth within the story and in all the characters that while I was watching it I felt like I was there, like those could’ve been my friends, that could’ve been me. It probably was.

I also don’t have enough praises to sing about the actors. Everybody did a phenomenal job. Not ever in a scene was a character flat, boring or one-dimensional and they also managed to stay believable throughout the whole movie- which is not always easy to do when it comes to such a relatively young cast. And even though Emma Watson’s accent does get a little shaky (also what American uses the word shag? I wonder if she ad-libbed that one), the emotions were there, and you could see that she was there for her co-stars emotionally through the vulnerable moments, and that’s really what matters at the end.

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Of course to tie the story and characters all together, the soundtrack was just impeccably put together. Every track held the essence of the scenes and just elevated the entire emotional impact of the movie for me. It took me along on its journey. In fact, I have the soundtrack on coloured vinyl. It really is amazing. You know a soundtrack is good when every song brings you back to an exact moment in the exact scene from the movie.

I also appreciate the fact that the movie took its time, it wasn’t rushed or dragged. I didn’t leave full of questions about apparent plot holes or character inconsistencies. So many movies these days have such great ideas but for whatever reason (actors? script? music?) just never quite arrive “there” with me emotionally. I know the impact they’re trying to make, but they often time fall short, the story feels empty. So it’s a nice to see a movie that does make it happen. A movie that isn’t just made for entertainment, but is a story that effectively illustrates and highlights parts of humanity, and manages to make it relatable to its viewers. That’s what movies are supposed to be about, aren’t they? Dissecting humanity and the human experience and giving us an up-close look.

I do wish, however, that they’d left Nina Dobrev’s abortion scenes in the movie. It showed such a sweet and touching dynamic between brother and sister. It also would’ve really helped in illustrating the chemistry between herself and Logan as siblings that I think was a bit lacking in the movie cause she was hardly in it. It’s also nice to see that Nina is capable of showing a slightly broader range and playing a character outside of the one on The Vampire Diaries. From what I understand this was a ratings issue, so I do understand. And there’s always the director’s cut!

So that is all I have to say. Perks is a beautifully vulnerable movie that I would recommend to anyone. If you haven’t seen it or read the book, do give it a go when you have the chance. I promise you, you won’t regret it. It also gives me hope as an actor that there is still meaningful material out there, and hopefully I’ll have the luck of getting to be a part of those projects one day soon.

Happy Friday, everybody 🙂

The Aspiring Actress.

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Quotespiration # 16: Meryl Streep

“I’m curious about other people. That’s the essence of my acting. I’m interested in what it would be like to be you.”

– Meryl Streep (Award-winning Actress; holds the record for most Oscar nominations in Hollywood history)

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Say No to the Americano.

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I’m sure most of you already know this, but for those of you who don’t, this is one worth remembering.

DO NOT CONSUME CAFFEINE BEFORE AN AUDITION.

Not even 4 hours prior. Just. Don’t. Do. It. Trust me. Would I lie to you?

And this is coming from a girl who can fall asleep after a strong cup of Joe. I know it smells so good and it’s so tempting in the morning, especially if you’ve had a long night or week. But to be honest when it comes time to it, the adrenaline from auditioning will be enough to energize you through your audition without the additional help.

See I’ve found that this miraculous thing happens before an audition..where any trace of caffeine in your system will somehow find its way to make merry friends with your nerves. The end result? Disastrous. And no amount of meditation in the world is going to save you from that situation.

The immediate energy you give off when you walk into the audition room will be: crazy, jittery, nervous, all over the place. Whereas, of course, you want to go in calm, collected with high but steady energy.

You end up tripping over lines because your lips can’t catch up with your brain, or vice versa.

OR nailing your lines…at the speed of lightening.

The only time I would recommend it is if you’re going in for a sitcom-y role. Then have it all you like. I personally still wouldn’t do it though. But that’s just me.

And there you have it.

Do you have any funny over-caffeinated/over-excited audition stories to tell?

I’d love to hear them.

The Aspiring Actress.

Okay, maybe just ignore this one…

It’s always a strange experience being on set. Each set is like a completely different animal. Some are cuddly, fuzzy, and you never want to leave. Others you can’t wait to get out of. All of this comes down to the actor-actor and/or actor-crew chemistry. It’s something I’ve always struggled mastering. Don’t get me wrong. I’m a total people person! But in an industry that’s fuelled by egos and arrogance at its worst, it’s not always the easiest task. It can often times feel isolating. For myself anyway.

Since I mostly do indies, I’m just going to say I feel that I’m just not an artist’s actor. And what I mean by that is I’m not “cool” in the sense of being eclectic and obscure. I don’t have a naturally grunge-y, edgy look without the help of make up and leather jackets. But the thing is, I’m a total closet quirk. I’m just not the kind of person who wears it on my sleeve. I don’t walk around brooding or being weird in a “cool” way- it all just happens…IN MY HEAD and trust me when I say I can brood with the best of them.

But mostly I’m just me. I’m an actor. Sometimes I’m bubbly, sometimes I’m melancholy. Sometimes I say weird shit. But I’m more or less just a normal person. This does not appeal to the masses of hipsters and artists I meet on the indie film scene. I know, I know. I shouldn’t care. As long as I can do the work, right? But I’m just saying…it’s not fun feeling like the outsider on set.

On the a positive note, some of them LOVE me! Maybe it’s not so much an actor-crew thing but just a people thing. Not everybody gets along and you’re not exactly on set to make friends, are you? I should probably get my head out of the clouds on that one.

But enough of that. I also find it hard to connect with certain actors. On one hand, I have no problem speaking to a room of 300 people and make fast friends at parties. On the other hand, I clam up and lose the ability to come up with or say anything remotely interesting or witty when I feel intimidated.

Why I even feel intimidated beats me. It’s not like I work with celebrities or even half-recognizable people (oh god, I can’t even imagine what that day will be like if it ever happens). Without sounding arrogant, I would say I am on par with my peers talent-wise. So what is it about *certain* other actors that turns me into an awkward, bumbling twat? Hmmm. Their unwavering confidence.

I realize I’m still at a stage in my career where I haven’t gained enough confidence as an actor. Despite having worked on more indie projects than most of the actors I meet, getting endless compliments (grain of salt) and having roles written for me, I still feel like the new kid. The stuttering kid who is eager to please, eager to learn. I am STILL eager to learn but the former is such a far cry from who I really am as a person.

In my personal life I’m opinionated! I’m bold! I’m funny (sometimes…maybe unintentionally). So what is this phenomena that happens when I’m around other actors my age?! It’s frustrating! How can the difference be so vast!

I often wonder WHEN I’m ever going to get to a point where I can tell myself, “Okay. You officially have a voice that matters. You are no longer an amateur. You’re an equal. Who cares what these people think.”

I’ve never been the type of person to need approval from those around me. Not since middle school anyway.. but seriously. Is this the needy actor side of me that NEEDS the verbal reassurance??? No. Can’t be. That’s terrible. …ugh.

Maybe it’ll take getting onto a nationally televised show? A big budget movie production? Adding another 21 credits to my resume?! Going to a prestige film festival?? Signing onto a major agency???? Perhaps I’m just doomed to forever be an insecure actor. Not insecure in my work (no, no, no) but who I am as an actor, err, person. I mean the only time I feel consistently confident is when I’m actually ACTING and in character. Because..well it’s not me.

What I wonder is, how are all these people so confident? Where does it come from? Why can’t I be like that?

Maybe I needed to be hugged more as a child. Maybe people are more open and warm on big budget productions…I know, don’t laugh. A girl can dream. I’ll wait to have those dreams crushed another day.

To be honest, I’m probably making it sound a lot worse than it actually is. There are plenty of sets and plenty of days where I feel completely comfortable and part of a mini-family. It’s just the neurotic moments/days/nights/weeks that turn me into this neurotic mess. No wonder I stopped journalling.

God. I’m such an obnoxious actor, aren’t I? I apologize, guys. And thank you to anyone who put up with and read the entirety this silly neurotic actor rant. If no one ever reads this, then at least I got to get it off my chest. Maybe it’ll take some of the crazy with it. There’s nothing like a good vent after all.

Sigh. Just another thing for me to add to the list of things I need to work on I suppose: STOP being so neurotic.

WISH ME LUCK.

The Aspiring Actress.

Here’s a cute little comic strip to make up for it all:

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Quotespiration # 3: Marilyn Monroe

“Acting isn’t something you do. Instead of doing it, it occurs. If you’re going to start with logic, you might as well give up. You can have conscious preparation but you have unconscious results.”

– Marilyn Monroe (Award-winning Actress and global Hollywood icon)

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Quotespiration # 2: Albert Einstein

“I’m thankful of all who said no to me. It’s because of them I’m doing it myself.”

Albert Einstein (Theoretical Physicist and renowned genius; Nobel Prize winner, founder of the Theory of Relativity)

To hell with the nay-sayers, I always say.

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