In the Entertainment Industry? It’s You or Them

Really fantastic points. Take your dreams and make them a reality, folks. Take your future into your own hands, regardless of what it is you want to do. From the sciences to the arts. Stop waiting for someone to hand you an opportunity and start creating your own. Small businesses are the backbone of our economy and provide jobs for millions of people across the country. Take control of your life.

xx

The Aspiring Actress.

Alisah Creative

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I cannot wait to take the plunge and properly start my business. There are many reasons for this:

  1. I have ambition
  2. I have ideas
  3. I crave success
  4. I want to leave some kind of mark on the world – is ‘legacy’ too strong?
  5. I want my future to be in my hands
  6. I want to do what I enjoy – Working fulltime, that’s eight hours a day and forty hours a week, at least. Why spend that time being an employee in a job I don’t enjoy, when I could be doing something I love?
  7. I have had some bad experiences as an employee and would love to become the amazing boss I never had
  8. I love to create
  9. I want to build a solid foundation that will make enough money to support me and my family
  10. I want to make certain people proud of me – not least, myself!

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Quotespiration # 21: Jennifer Lopez

“Thank you … no one has ever shown me how to dream bigger and aim higher, work harder or love more what I’m doing cause I’m doing it with you. I’m so happy we’re on this journey together. … Lastly, I just wanted to say, all you little ones sitting on the living room floor watching the T.V. right now, just like I used to do when I was back in the Bronx..have faith, dream big, think big and know that anything is possible. You never know where you might end up.”

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– Jennifer Lopez (Acceptance speech for the 2014 Billboard Awards’ Icon Award; the first Latina and first female to ever receive the Billboard Icon Award)

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‘Say Something’ Cover (music video)

Pentatonix’s cover of ‘Say Something’ by A Big Great World featuring Christina Aguilera.

One of my favourite songs at the moment. This is a great cover by a cappella group Pentatonix, who are going on tour in the US and UK soon. I’m always so amazed at other people’s artistic talents and find it so inspiring. Talented group + heartfelt song = megaaaaa inspiration. I hope it makes you feel the same and want to go out there and create something worthwhile and beautiful.

If you don’t already know who Pentatonix are (unlikely), check them out on YouTube!

Lyrics:

Say something, I’m giving up on you
I’ll be the one, if you want me to
Anywhere I would’ve followed you
Say something, I’m giving up on you

And I am feeling so small
It was over my head
I know nothing at all

And I will stumble and fall
I’m still learning to love
Just starting to crawl

Say something, I’m giving up on you
I’m sorry that I couldn’t get to you
Anywhere I would’ve followed you
Say something, I’m giving up on you

And I will swallow my pride
You’re the one that I love
And I’m saying goodbye

Say something, I’m giving up on you
And I’m sorry that I couldn’t get to you
And anywhere I would’ve followed you (Oh-oh-oh-oh)
Say something, I’m giving up on you

Say something, I’m giving up on you
Say something…

Leave It All in the Room.

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I had an indie audition today that I was going to bail on because I’ve been rather ill for the past few days. I woke up, contemplated going, printed off and went over my sides, then decided fuck it and sent off an email asking to reschedule. But with auditions coming to a slow as of late, I got this nagging feeling I just couldn’t shake. I knew I’d kick myself once I felt better for not going. So I said EFF IT again, popped a bunch of Advil and decided to suck it up.

So I went. Luckily I knew the CDs on this project, which is always nice when you have that established rapport. Though, of course, it doesn’t really help me feel any less nervous!! Nerves are good for you though. Assuming you retain control over your voice and trembling, that is. Sometimes your grasp of the English language just miraculously disappears in the audition room..

Anyways, I was determined to go in and do my best. Then at least I could leave knowing I TRIED and have no regrets over my performance. Sometimes when you think something’s gone terribly, it turns out they loved it! I firmly believe in the quote that you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.

#Truth, people.

I don’t know if I killed the audition, or did mediocrely. I don’t know if they liked me or not, or if they were just being nice cause they kind of know me. Or if I even interpreted the character how they had envisioned. But I do know that if I’m not right for this character, then hopefully I’ll be right for a different/new character they might write in the future in this or another project.

There will always be more opportunities. Never forget that. No matter how off you are feeling, whether or not you really connect with this character or not. Do your absolute best, make no excuses and leave it all in the room.

And no, I did NOT drink any coffee, thanks for asking :).

That is all.

Ciao, bellas..& fingers crossed!!

The Aspiring Actress.

P.S. Ryan Gosling believes in you.

P.P.S. If you’re sick to the point where you can barely speak or think, or are puking…best you stay home. Your agent will understand, and everyone in the room will thank you for it. Don’t be a hero!!

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Quotespiration # 19: Michael Jackson

“In a world filled with despair, we must still dare to dream, and in a world filled with distrust, we must still dare to believe.”

– Michael Jackson

michael jackson thriller videoshoot on set black and white photo

Who else cried watching his hologram perform at the 2014 Billboard Awards? Despite what anyone might think, to me, he is still the King of Pop. An innovator, dreamer and artist who inspired millions of people around the world.

The Universe’s Order.

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There’s a line, you see. Let’s picture it like this: the line up to your city’s most popular and exclusive club. But this isn’t your typical line. This isn’t your usual ‘first come, first serve’ kinda line. No, this line is different, because every day its sequence changes at random.

It doesn’t change based on how much you want to get into the club, whether it’s your girlfriend’s birthday or how much you’re willing to bribe the bouncer (although that helps…a little bit). It doesn’t even change based on how much you’re willing to do to get to the front, though it is taken into consideration so it does help your chances over not doing anything at all. It’s more like..the club’s going to owe you favours. Not favours big enough to like you know, get you in to the club but things that’ll help you get there.

But even then, you could easily be pushed down the line by someone who’s been there for a way shorter time than you, who has done way less to ‘deserve’ it and vice versa, you could do the same to someone else who’s been there longer and paid more dues. Things have to be fair to keep people coming and staying, after all.

There will be plenty of people who come and go out of this line while you’re there, not everyone has the same patience or tenacity that you do. Plenty of people will walk past you and scoff as they make their way to the establishment down the street, that’s niiiice but not quite where you want to be. It just doesn’t quite hit the spot of what you’re looking for.

Ignore such people that come into your life.

If you’ve decided this club is exactly where you want to be, and can’t possibly imagine waiting to get in anywhere else then here’s my advice to you:

Buckle down, work hard, pay your dues, look to your neighbours for words of wisdom, never be afraid to ask for help and stay looking your best while you’re doing it so that when the day does come that you are chosen to be front of the line, you’re ready and you know you’ve deserved it.

We don’t know what the order will be tomorrow. All we can do is get in line, do our part, try to stay inspired and just wait. Don’t just wait around STARING, contemplating whether you should get into it. You have to be IN the line to get the chance to be at the front of it. So step in. It doesn’t bite. And for the lucky few of you out there, you might even have a nice friend who’ll let you budge.

And for the even luckier few, if you’re patient enough, you’ll be in the club, partying with the best of them soon enough.

So dream on, my dreamers. And I’ll see you lot in there.

The Aspiring Actress.

Confessions: Letters to Old Lovers.

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I miss you.

If I could take back what I did, I would. I wish I hadn’t treated you so poorly, it haunts me to this day. Not always, but once in a while a memory will pop up and I’ll remember the good times we had. The excitement, the happiness. I miss your face. I miss your laughter. I miss the intimacy. I don’t miss your stubbornness. I don’t miss certain things you’d say and some of your opinions. But I miss your passion, and most of all I miss the things that could’ve been. The things we talked about when I was in your arms. The amazement we had in all the things we had in common. The jokes. The secrets we’d pass with a look, a smile over a table of friends. The beautiful beginning of how we met and the feelings I felt.

I thought to myself, “Surely he could not have feelings for me…surely, I’m not his type.”

What a wonderful surprise to realize I could be. The funny start we had. My hesitance and our first date ending up just being a conversation on a park bench as a result. What a great conversation that was, even if I don’t remember it. The random homeless man who walked up to us to tell us what a beautiful couple we were- what a promising beginning to a blossoming relationship. You were the first to ever make me breakfast. You bought me a green toothbrush after 2 weeks. I trusted you, and you I. You did some embarrassing things for me, for which I’m still thankful for. I miss having that face next to mine by the bonfire. I was the first girl to ever successfully make the watch The Notebook, which still makes me laugh today…though I’d also like to apologize for now ruining a perfectly good film for you.

But I was selfish and a coward. I’d just gotten out of a long relationship and was afraid to get into another one. Something in my head kept telling me to be single, to be on my own. I was afraid of committing, afraid of commitment. I’d been disappointed so many times and part of my heart was still somewhere else. I thought you were a nice rebound, you had to have been. I wasn’t ready. So I told myself I was sick of you. Listed the reasons why we would never work but at the same time reminded myself I was just being my usual self-sabotaging self. I tried to stop myself from thinking that way and some days it’d work, some days it wouldn’t.

I had to leave the country, it was the perfect excuse to get away. I promised you I’d come back. But I knew myself. The more time and space got between us, the easier it would be for me to let go. So that last day, I looked at your face. I studied it when we said our good byes. The way you smiled, the way your hair fell, the clothes you were wearing, how you made me feel. I wanted to remember it, I wanted it imprinted in my memory so that when I was away I wouldn’t forget. But it wasn’t enough..

After a while, I stopped remembering the good and clung onto the bad. And the harder you pushed, the closer you got, the farther I ran. I was almost back from my trip. A week before coming home, I was still telling you how excited I was to see you. It was the truth. Part of me longed for you, longed to see you. I was so conflicted.

So when I got back, I had the best excuses not to see you, they bided me some time. Until eventually I just stopped. Stopped responding and cut the ties. I couldn’t do it. I was too afraid to face my emotions and you were too promising. Too good. I knew if I stuck by you, you’d be too good for me to ever find a reason to leave. I couldn’t handle it. Not then. You tried and tried to contact me but I never responded. I still remember your final email. It had nothing but a question. I remember thinking to myself, I could still do this. I could still save this, come up with an excuse as to why I was so distant and we’d go back to how we were. Happy. It wasn’t too late. But I did nothing.

Since then whenever I saw our mutual friends, they would never tell me much when I asked, and I was always too afraid to ask too much. I didn’t have the right. One of them told me, maybe I could apologize. I toyed with the idea but it never came to fruition. How could I? How would I even approach it? Approach you? Why would you ever even listen? After spending however long you did to get over it, get over me- what right did I have to dredge it all back up again? There was one thing I always wanted to tell you. Right after asking your best friend about you and getting nothing in response, he tried to get me into bed. He pushed and pulled, his lips were on my neck. It made me sick, and I left. I thought of calling you, texting you about it. Shouldn’t you have the right to know something like this about a close friend? But I didn’t…because why in the world would you still care about what your friends did to me or not? Why would you still care about me.

It’s been 2 years now. I hear you’ve moved away. I’m with someone else now, and I’m so happy. I would even say the events of what happened between us led to me finding the man I’m with now. But perhaps my life could’ve gone either way. I still think of you. Not in a romantic sense, though sometimes I do still dream of you (as I’ve dreamed of many people I’ve come across in life), but in curiosity. What would have happened if I didn’t let you go? If I wasn’t so selfish, if I wasn’t such a coward. If I wasn’t so afraid of love and being loved, because although it was premature, I know in my heart we could’ve been great.

I’m also fully aware that it’s possible that my imagination of who we could’ve been might be greater than any reality could ever be.

I still contemplate reaching out to you one day. Telling you how I feel. But why should you care? You’ve long moved on with your life, and I don’t think I could bear a cold response…even if that is what I’d deserve. But let’s say in the perfect universe, we’re both single and meet again in the future, and if the natural spark were still there underneath all the hurt and hate…do you think you could forgive me? If enough time had passed, could we just start over and chalk it up as youthful stupidity on my part? Would it just be another chapter in our story? These are all the things I think about, when I think of you.

I wonder if you would laugh at how greatly I still think of you and us. I’m sure you’ve already forgotten me. What were we to you anyway? It was 2 years ago and you’ve moved on. In the grand scheme of things, we may as well have not happened.

But I miss you and I wish I could say I’m sorry. For my callousness, coldness. My selfish, cowardice ways. I’m sorry for ever hurting you. You’re a good person with a great heart. You made me laugh. I hope you’re happy, perhaps with a real love in your life that you deserve. And if you’re on your own, I hope you’re following your dreams. I’m not anybody to you anymore, but you’re still in my memories. Maybe we’ll meet again one day, if the fates will allow it and maybe you won’t want to brush me off.

Until then, I’ll just be that girl you liked once whom you never heard from again, who turned out to be a huge disappointment and terrible bitch. I know you probably don’t think very highly of me (if you even think of me at all), but I still think the world of you.

The Aspiring Actress.

The Importance of Acting Classes [cont’d]

[Read part one here]

If I could go back in time, I’d probably argue that whole ridiculous coffee cup thing. But aaaaat the tiiiiime I took it in. I was confused but I took it in. Also apparently when you’re “listening” to the other actor and don’t have much ‘action’ going on, having your arms glued to your sides is the most natural thing you can do when you don’t know what else to do. Okay then. So I did that. Whenever we made a mistake, we’d have to start over. But it was done in a way that made me feel frustrated and embarrassed. The whole classroom was set up like a stage, so you have all these other students staring at you as the teacher is telling you you’ve done something wrong, try it again. I mean it could be a lot worse, he could’ve been insulting. But it would’ve been nice if we got a more detailed response as to what we could do exactly to help NOT make those mistakes. Making me feel dumb about it doesn’t really help. It wasn’t just me. It made me feel uncomfortable watching other actors being critiqued for their acting choices. You could just see the humiliation burnt onto their face. And I know you’re all thinking, how are you going to learn if you’re not getting critiqued? It’s all in the WAY the critiquing is done. It has to be constructive! And while the teacher meant well, I don’t think he realized how condescending he could come across.

What bothered me the most is the lack of feedback when it came to HOW the lines were being said. I remember my acting partner having the most annoying speech pattern. He would literally say his lines the exact same way, with the exact same tones and inflections each time. Talk about monotony. There was no connection whatsoever.

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So come week 6, we were ready to put it on film. Where for each scene, a student would volunteer to do the filming. The first take would be on you, the second on your partner. Lovely. It’s always nice having one of the students shove a camera in your face. It’s just different when you’re on set and there’s a camera on you (usually somewhat stationary) handled by a professional versus trying to act in a somewhat confined space with a “camera man”/student moving awkwardly around you (SO distracting) and your scene partner, sticking a camera all up in your grill. Not to mention the classroom was set so that the living room “couch” was literally facing the “audience”. At least on a set where you’re facing an audience or crew, there are usually cameras and directors and lights in the way. Nope. This was just…all clear. I see you, you see me. Awesome.

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And no, it’s not anything like theatre. I like theatre. I don’t mind theatre. When you do a theatre production, you get to be on a stage, the audience isn’t usually eye-level to you (note: usually) and there are bright lights and there’s more space and doing a theatre production you EXPECT there to be a crowd people somewhat in front of you. But in a medium sized classroom with like 10 faces staring right at you at close proximity while someone waves a camera in your face? No thanks.

TO TOP IT ALL OFF, we had to playback our videos on a TV monitor riiiight afterwards. Nice. So now I have to watch a close up of my face under unflattering lighting AND get critiqued in front of the entire class. Again. How fun.

The studio also encouraged substitution as a means of feeling an emotion. What that means is using some sort of relatable memory in your personal life to play the character’s emotions. For example, my character was meant to feel guilt. So I spent 20 minutes relaying personal information about my life (for the craft, you know) about the things I’ve done that made me feel guilty. For the first time in a long time, I cried. I admit, it was rather therapeutic and so naturally I thought it was amazing. Looking back at it, it was terrible of them to do that. I believe. I know there are people who believe in substitution. I don’t. First of all, it’s potentially emotionally damaging. Second of all, when you over-use a memory it loses its emotional impact over time any way cause like everything else in life, we get conditioned to things. So what are you supposed to do when that memory no longer affects you that way?? Also, how are you supposed to stay connected with the other actor if you’re busy thinking about your own memories in your own life aka being in your head. It’s selfish.

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Okay. Clearly, I had a lot to say about that. But I mean the funny thing is, I stuck around that studio for like 6 months because I didn’t know any better. I knew I felt uncomfortable, I knew I wasn’t quite keen on a lot of the techniques and exercises. I didn’t feel safe with the teachers or students. It didn’t feel like I could just be or make a huge fool of myself. I felt very guarded the entire time. And yes, that partly had to do with me and who I was as a person, but a good teacher should be able to inspire and bring you out of your shell. They’re supposed to guide you and make you feel comfortable, to help you grow. I got none of that. I mean, sure I got some good really good feedback and I did get a couple pointers here and there that’ve stuck with me. Mostly they’re now things I know NOT to do or that just aren’t right for me. Everything felt very stuffy and over-analyzed, over-rehearsed, without enough constructive feedback. Wasted time playing theatre games and doing “connective” (but not really) exercises instead of teaching us how to just ACT.

I’ll be honest, after all of that, I was kind of scarred. Apprehensive. It reaffirmed my initial feelings of the classroom environment not being for me. I was hesitant to drop more money on new classes at a studio I had no idea whether I’d like or not. Every studio seemed to have such mixed reviews online. Maybe I was better off to just keep learning by doing. Not knowing any better, I kept doing the things they taught me. Looking back, it made for some very mediocre work.

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Fast forward 6-8 months, and by some random chance of fate I was introduced to my acting coach now. And you know what? I haven’t looked back since. Even during that first audit (yes, she makes ALL new students audit before deciding on joining her class- WHAT A REVELATION!!) there was something different about her class. First of all, everyone was so warm, professional and very clearly serious about their craft but there was still a very relaxed feel to it. It was very natural, there was lots of joking and bantering. The beginning of the class was dedicated to general chit chat, a time to tell the class about any updates, things happening in their lives etc. not pointless, ridiculous ‘voice & movement’ exercises.

Then after they were done catching up, it was straight to business. Get centred and just act. Just be present, stay grounded and get into that headspace, then let it play. No prior rehearsals besides running lines with your partner before class. A lot of focus and constructive criticism was put on quality of voice, body positioning, energy, listening/connective-ness, being present/out of your head and just being!

If in the moment you are inclined to clutch a coffee mug, THEN YOU CLUTCH THAT COFFEE MUG.

As long as it’s not contrived and just comes from the moment. Then the latter half of the class is dedicated to practicing a cold read, while staying connected to a scene partner, and that script is then the scene you’ll be performing the next week. We also have a week dedicated to on-camera auditions. All bases covered in one place?

PERFECT!

What? You only spend a week on scenes? And you know what? I’ve done and seen some of the best acting work since. Over-analyzing and being overly technical and over-rehearsed with it is so yesterday’s news. Plus, if you really think about it, a lot of the time actors only get their scripts a couple of days in advance, if not the night before shooting or an audition.

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This class felt safe to me, which has allowed me to grow immensely creatively and emotionally. Don’t get me wrong though, this coach is a fucking hard ass. She yells, she’s blunt and will stop your scene and tell you that you’re doing shit wrong. BUT then she’ll tell you how to fix it. And her intentions are good and her methods actually make SENSE to me. The whole class vibrates with warm, creative energy the second you walk into it. And since then, I’ve grown tenfold, twentyfold as an artist.

I’m not saying the previous methods of teaching were wrong. They just weren’t for me. At all. I’m sure there are a ton of people who love that studio. I’m sure. Whether or not they churn out talent is debatable. Most people I meet now have nothing but negative things to say about them. I mean, to each his own though. I will say this though, since I’ve left, they’ve lost all their teachers (dispute with the owner/founder/master teacher) and have had to completely revamp. That kind of says something.

The best thing I did take away from that first studio is all the the actor/acting stories and industry casting director tips we got. They were all quite amusing and informative. I mean the teachers were really cool people! Just…maybe not the best teachers in the studio that they were at. But despite all that, it was just not worth the 6 months I spent that cost me well over a thousand dollars. I didn’t know any better. I was sticking it out, trying to force myself to conform and get used to this class because I figured this was just the way it was, and I’d have to get used to it.

So here’s my piece of advice: trust your gut. If something feels a little off about the method, the teachers, the students (their attitude is highly influenced by the teachers in charge) or the class atmosphere in general, don’t stick around. Don’t waste your time and money. Don’t ever think that that is the ONLY way to go and there must be something wrong with you cause it doesn’t work for you. There are plenty of other studios and teachers out there with different vibes. Unfortunately there are a lot of bitter and negative teachers out there though, you just have to weed them out. But don’t give up until you find one that provides you with an environment that helps you grow and lifts you up.

You won’t regret it. Hope this helps.

The Aspiring Actress.

The Importance of Acting Classes

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When I first started acting, I was eager to jump into a class. Any class. But at $200-500 a month for classes held once a week, I realized I had a lot of careful contemplating to do. I wanted to try ’em all but which to try out first?? I didn’t have the time to audit all these classes. I never did make a decision thanks to my indecisiveness, but luckily after chatting to a couple actors I’d met on student film projects, the decision making process was made to be a lot easier for me.

I was pretty sure I’d made the right choice. I heard some fantastic feedback from a couple of actors, this place sounded perfect, not to mention these classes were 6 weeks long- clearly I would be taking more away from it than a 4 week class! I was surely on my way to acting enlightenment! I got so excited about attending these classes, that for about 2 weeks prior to my first day I obsessively scoured every inch of their website for every detail I could find on their teachers, their methods, philosophies, techniques. They also had an extensive YouTube channel, so I spent hours watching all of the videos, which I’d found very informative and exciting. The founder of the school seemed to be so passionate and had so many interesting stories to tell, it was hard not to be affected by it.

My first day there wasn’t quite what I was expecting but still, I was going to go with it. This was my first acting class ever! What did I know about how these things work? The teacher was pretty cute too, which didn’t hurt…though it did make it harder for me to relax and feel less self conscious about myself. Everybody seemed nice enough. There were students of all ages, genders and kinds of character. It did make me nervous not knowing what ‘levels’ they were at. Were they all experienced actors? Was I the only newbie?

Anyways. Looking back at that first class, it kind of felt like a waste of time. Like it was purposely there to waste that first week out of the six. He went through the basic principles they believed in, which was all great. Then we spent a lot of time just chatting. Then we sat around a table and read our new scripts out loud with our chosen scene partners. In this class, we only got to work on one scene the entire six weeks. I mean I’m guessing this is the norm in many acting classes? Spending 6 weeks on one scene. At the time for a newbie actor, this was perfectly fine. I probably needed all that time to get to know the character.

The next couple of weeks were dedicated to playing theatre games, analyzing our characters technically with very specific questions we were given (this was our ‘homework’), rehearsing the scenes we got and then finally putting them “up” in our last week while a person filmed around us with a camcorder.

First of all, I’ve never been a fan of “theatre games” (sorry, I mean “voice & movement exercises” *eye roll*). Not since I got a feel for them in my high school drama classes. I mean I get it. I get why they’re done. To open you up, loosen your body, help you relax, get out of your mind, learn to stay present and you know, cause everyone else is making themselves look like a douche bag, it’s okay if you do too! I didn’t have too much of a problem with them, except it was a little annoying when we spent half the class doing these exercises when we could’ve been working on you know…acting.

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There are also days where, guess what! I don’t FEEL like being particularly active or social and just want to be left alone and get down to business. So you forcing me to dance and make weird noises and faces at people is COMPLETELY LUDICROUS. To be honest, it would really turn me off of going to class. I also noticed that there were people who would just never get comfortable with it. The self-consciousness and inability to let go just oozed out of their pores, and it was painful to watch. Why are you making these people who are clearly already very uncomfortable participate in an uncomfortable exercise that’s kind of, somewhat humiliating? It’s like forcing the kid with stage fright to become the lead in the annual school play. You just don’t do that. You give him a one-liner and build his confidence up by making him feel safe but like he’s still doing something.

Another exercise they had us do was to partner up with somebody, stand like an inch from their face and just stare into their eyes for 5 minutes and “connect”.

Uhh…okay.

Meanwhile I’m thinking maybe I shouldn’t have had garlicky pasta leftovers for lunch…

I also don’t like the whole partnering up thing. It reminds me of middle school, that awkward feeling when someone is clearly scrambling to find a partner cause he/she wasn’t anybody’s first choice. Then we’d have to tell each other things such as our deepest fears, our regrets, what our goals are in life, what we liked and didn’t like about ourselves. Talk about a breach of privacy. After that the teacher would have us tell the other person three words we thought described them based on first impressions. There’s nothing worse than someone telling you you seem like a “really nice person” because they clearly know nothing about you and don’t know what else to say. Nice? You think I’m NICE? That’s so…boring. And I was a bit passive aggressive back then, so I’d fire back with an equally mundane description. HA! Take that. PFFT.

Sometimes though people would seriously say things that made you go like, “What???” Things that were a little offensive to me, but I couldn’t blame them if they were forced to make uninformed judgements about me based on..nothing. So I didn’t take it too personally, but clearly I was not a fan of the exercise. And also, what is the point exactly?? They said it helps you connect with the other actor. But in what sense? I did not feel connected at all. In fact, I felt judged and uncomfortable.

In the 4th and 5th weeks, we got to rehearse our scenes in the latter half of class and were given feedback by the teacher. In those weeks, we’d also have to meet up with our scene partners to rehearse outside of class. Bitch, who got time for that?! Having to meet with my scene partner on my own time outside of class so that we could over-rehearse a piece, as beginners, with no guidance? Sounds like the perfect situation for bad habits to be formed. We might as well have been headless chickens feigning to know which direction we were headed. I mean, looking back, we were doing so much that was wrong when rehearsing on our own, that it really was just a waste of time. But sigh, I must digress. At the time, I thought this was the shit. I felt so actor-y. Whoop dee doo.

I also got some very strange feedback during the times we got to rehearse in class. This was a living room scene, mind you:

“Why did you decide to hold the coffee cup in your hands?”

“Uh…I don’t know. It just felt right? I mean she’s sitting at home and stuff and the coffee cup was there…isn’t that the kind of stuff you do at home, talking to your friend?”

“No. You can’t do something like that without a reason. Is there a reason your character is holding a drinking cup?”

“Um…no. I guess not.”

“Then don’t do it.”

“Okay.”

[CONT’D]